Connection-building

In August, my best friend – and one of the most amazing women I know -- is moving to New York City. She’s taking a job with one of the most respected names in retail, and I’m proud of her. But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss her.

I came to Mizzou my freshman year determined to make as many friends as I was able. Aided by the recently developed Facebook, then a novelty for only the college set, friends accumulated by the dozen. It was good, I said; I was happy, I said.

A year and a half later, this same retail goddess drove me home one evening. Before graduation, she explained, she wanted to make some real friends, build some real connections. So we agreed to meet for an hour, every Monday afternoon. The hours became days and over time, I had a friendship stronger than I’d never imagined. Often, that’s how the biggest things in life begin: one conversation, one hour, one date on the calendar.

Fast forward to now: I’m terrified of the void I’ll have in my life when New York City gains and Columbia loses. This woman really is, in the words of Beyonce, irreplaceable.

In the last several weeks of the semester, I’m praying for new connections with others and to strengthen the old connections.  My goal isn’t to replace my best friend; rather, my goal is to accumulate more, to share the gift of friendship that my friend gave me. I’ve been a friendship student; now is the time to pursue an assistantship.

There’s one I’ve known since my freshman year. She’s funny and kind and isn’t afraid to share of herself. We’ve agreed to coffee once a week. There’s another who, ironically, I met through the friend I’ll miss. Her years at college have taught her a lesson I need to learn: the approval of God is not secondary to the approval of others. There’s a third who I met in August, whose vibrant spirit continues to amaze me. One time we sat in the middle of a busy street. It was breathtaking. There’s a fourth who has a heart of gold and an admirable sense of hospitality. Her apartment smells amazing (and yes, that is a good reason to forge a friendship). There's one more, whose recent bitterness saddens me. But if we can't share our imperfections and our sorrows with each other, then do we ever genuinely rejoice together either?

Why now? my friend asked me. Why are you pursuing these women now? They’ve been around for a while.

That’s the thing about genuine friendship, I said. It’s like exercise.

You do okay without it. Maybe you huff and puff a bit more than the rest, maybe you’re a little rounder than the rest. Not a big deal, you reason. Not a big deal, that is, until you go for your first run. It isn’t easy, but there’s something exhilarating about it. You run again. It’s addicting.

Soon, you can’t imagine your life without it. I can’t imagine my life without it.